Every year I feel the NHS change day cannot get any better, yet every year it never ceases to amaze me. This year I feel the NHS change day has actually not only made a huge impact on my career but also on my life. I have been involved in NHS Change Day since 2013 where I facilitated a day at Birmingham Children's Hospital. From then on I became a huge advocate for change day as I realised that by working together, we could actually make a difference to the experiences of patients, staff and the wider NHS. I went wild and spread our success in 2013 which got huge coverage and it was when I met similar, likeminded individuals that I realised this was HUGE. From then on, I took on the role of a Hubbie, helping to co-ordinate change day events across the West Midlands and helping to link individuals in different organisations together. I threw myself into this as it was such a passion. Then I went AWOL. I always had my eye on the Change Day activities, but especially in 2014, I seemed to go off the radar.
In 2014 I still made a pledge to share my story of personal experiences in mental health services to try to improve things for others. I shared my ideas with the Nursing Standard and also had set wheels into motions of talking to seniors in the NHS trust who treated me. Unfortunately, this is where it had all stopped. I started my degree in Child Nursing and was ready to take on the world and saw no issues with sharing my story with others. Then... I got cold feet.
Change Day 2015, has just developed into something indescribable, in fact, I'd go as far to say, it was something quite beautiful. I spent the day at university promoting NHS Change Day in between assignment writing, student services appointments and collecting my uniform. I even sat on the train to university speaking to a class of 8 year olds about the NHS, and one of the lovely students turned round to me and said 'wow, can I work in a hospital when I grow up and make everybody happy?' I felt warm inside. I also thought, well if I do nothing else for NHS Change Day, I have still impacted someone's life and I'm happy with that.
The day went on, I saw some live streaming, I was constantly checking Twitter and the what's app group (there was probably more phone checking than assignment writing!' And I was so proud of how we have come together as a United front and we're striving to make changes to our NHS. Some changes were big. Some were small. Nevertheless, every change and action was as valuable as the other as I truly believe that every tiny bit of change can make a momentous difference to someone, somewhere. It was at this point however that I felt like I'd let the other hubbies down, I wished that I'd done more, I wished that I was about more. Despite their constant reassurance, I still felt like I should have done more. I wasn't going to go to the HC Voices workshop, but I'm so glad I did.
This is where the magic happened.
I had my lightbulb moment. It's lovely to meet new and old faces and hear how everyone's Change Day has gone, I love to hear the stories, it really does fill me with a warm fuzzy feeling. Then I heard Lisa Rodrigues speak, wow that lady is an inspiration. I still feel humbled now. I sent a little whatsapp message to Lydia, fellow Hubbie and friend, 'Defo gona cry.' Lisa was a living proof, right there in front of me that no matter what is thrown in front of you in life, you can achieve your goals and that whether you have a mental health issue or not, you are still as valuable as anyone else and actually, you have different skills to enable you to understand when working in the NHS. This truly remarkable woman inspired me, she let me believe in myself and has helped me to find the courage to speak out about my own difficulties and in those brief few minutes helped me to realise that I have only been hiding away from my own self judgement. Anyone who was sat near to me probably saw the bright red blotches appear on my body that I get when I feel a little anxious or intense emotion, that's because I had the lightbulb moment and realised that now is the time. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck, my heart was thumping but nevertheless, I raised my hand and shared that I had experienced mental health services.
It is thanks to NHS Change Day, the Time to Talk in the NHS Campaign and Lisa herself, that I am going to briefly share my story.
I'm Ellie, a 22 year old Child Nursing student, I am in my first year of university (again.) I started uni last year, even though I wasn't mentally ready. For the previous couple of years I had some experience of mental health services but had ways palmed it off as. Medics and psychiatrists being over dramatic. After starting my course in January 2014, I had to defer my place only a month later. Within the three weeks I was at uni, my mental health had deteriorated and I was in complete denial of my Eating Disorder. Constant arguments would fly across my house, there would be secrecy and hurt along the way, until one day I was getting ready for uni and collapsed on the stairs. A month after this collapse, I was still on an acute medical ward getting my electrolytes and hypos sorted. I was then transferred to a specialist Eating Disorder Unit where I spent the next nine months. It was one of the hardest times of my life, I was watching everything pass me by, I was watching my mum face cancer without me there to hold her hand, I was watching friends graduate, I was watching friends have babies, I was watching course mates go on placement. Yet I spent day after day in group or individual therapy, obsessing over my weight, refusing to eat and at times, trying to run away (literally.)
In November I was discharged, I was in a good place and I had set my mind to recovering and getting my life back. Guess what? I've done it! Thanks to the NHS and my strong support network around me, I have moved into halls of residence, I'm ready for first placement, I was around for the birth of my niece, I'm spending time with my family. I am living life. Yes, of course I have relapses, and unfortunately things do go crashing down, however I now have the coping strategies and support available to pull myself back up the ladder, buckle myself in and carry on with life again.
You may be thinking, 'I thought this was going to be a Change Day blog, not someone's life story.' Well actually, on reflection of NHS Change Day 2015, I truly believe that NHS Change Day may have changed my life. Yep, it sounds cheesy, I know. I'd of never had the guts to share this before, I'd of been still thinking the way I was at 3pm this afternoon, that if anyone finds out that I've used Mental Health services then they'll think I'm an incompetent nurse. Now I do not! I truly believe that I can use my own experiences in a positive way and I have been inspired by Lisa on NHS Change Day. The thing with Change Day is, sometimes what you say can have an impact on just one person, but you could make a drastic change in one persons life. To me that is magic.
For me, magic happened on NHS Change Day 2015.
I can't wait for next year!
Ellie
@indecisive_23
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